SOURCE: Quoted in “The Family Visitor,” Newsletter of the Central Christian Church of Vernon, TX. October 2004
KEYWORDS: pastor, unrealistic expectations, pleasing others
At last we have developed a model for a perfect pastor that will suit everyone! He’s guaranteed to please any church that calls him. He preaches exactly fourteen minutes. He condemns sin, but never hurts anyone’s feelings.
He works from 9:00 in the morning until 11:00 at night, in every type of work--from preaching to custodial services. His salary is $60 a week. He wears good clothes, buys good books, has a nice family, drives a nice car, and gives $30 a week to the church.
This perfect pastor is thirty years old, but has been preaching for 35 years. He is tall, short, thin, heavy-set, and very handsome. His hair is parted in the middle, with the left side dark and straight and the right side light and wavy. He has a burning desire to work with young people, and spends all his time with older folks.
He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a great sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. Although he makes ten calls a day on church members, ten on the unchurched, and five on those in the hospital, he is always available for telephone calls in the office.